little brother
by Poisoned Scarlet
Summary: Rin grieves the loss of Usamaru, his almost-brother. Shiemi tries to understand. Movie-verse. Warning: spoilers.


**Disclaimer:**I do not own Blue Exorcist.

**little brother  
by. **_Poisoned Scarlett_

"Ou—fuck!" Rin cursed when the door suddenly shut on him. He growled at the rickety security door and kicked it in, barely flinching when it slammed against the wall and tore off its hinges. It fell to the side limply and Rin looked both ways before sneaking inside. He stopped before the staircase, letting his eyes trail up somberly. He remembered carrying the little boy on his back, his brother following close behind. He could almost hear Yukio cursing behind him, shooting at the black wave of coal tars that chittered and laughed and laughed and laughed.

Rin climbed the stairs slowly, this time with no threat of demons behind him. He reached the top and tried the door to the balcony, kicking that open as well. The door did not rip off the hinge, but the lock was certainly broken beyond repair. Rin barely noticed: he walked out onto the balcony, letting his eyes stray over the snow that gently covered the ground. It was completely white, he thought, not like how his memory remembers—with swarms of coal tars flooding the earth, with goblins that reveled in the despair and chaos.

He looked up at the tower, the tallest point in the city.

"Usamaru."

He had been such a brat when Rin was charged with taking care of him. He always fought him, biting him and tearing out fistfuls of hair with his chubby little hands. He would growl, sounding more like a hissing kitten than a frightening demon, and cry when Rin managed to subdue him and talk some sense into him. He had been such a brat, but he had reminded Rin so much of himself. He saw himself when he saw Usamaru, tiny and hated and misunderstood.

But he had made him understand. He had understood the tiny hare demon and, in return, Usamaru had understood him. He was like his brother, Rin thought, biting his lip to keep in his hiccups in. Usamaru was _like his brother_ and he had lost him—he had lost him after the boy promised to never use his powers again, after he talked sense into him and swore to return. He had gone off on his own again and ignored his words.

"_Dammit_," Rin croaked. He shut his eyes, gripping the rail so hard it dented. "WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST LISTEN TO ME?! DAMN BRAT!" He cried, hunching over as sobs wracked his body. He sucked in one more breath before he pushed away from the rail, rubbing his knuckles over his eyes furiously. "Usamaru…brother," he uttered, rubbing his hand down his face. His eyes opened and they were tired, dull, blue; the fire gone out.

The snow was falling harder now and he could feel it melt when it touched his skin, leaving behind an icy trail. Rin only pushed his messy hair back and looked to the tall tower, remembering how the little rabbit demon had stood on top of it so proudly and extended his small arms as if to encompass the entire town. It was the last Rin saw of him, but he remembered his smile when Rin shouted for him to get away. Rin would have gone after him if he hadn't been hanging onto his blood brother for dear life, and Usamaru knew that.

"Why…?"

He knew why. But he still wanted Usamaru to stay with them, to be raised like his old man had raised he and Yukio. Demon he might be, but in nature he was not. Rin may have the blood of Satan running through his veins, might have an iron throne of swords awaiting him in the deepest pits of Gehenna, but he could care less of such royalties when accepting such an offer meant the suffering of billions.

Not all demons were evil.

Demons could be good.

Usamaru_ was _good_. _

But he was gone now and he would never have the chance to test that theory. Rin looked down sadly. Usamaru had saved the entire town from being devastated like it had been so many years ago, and he would not be remembered for his bravery. He would only be remembered as the demon who fooled everyone, as the monster who had erased the memory of responsibility and brought the town to ruins.

"Rin!"

Rin's eyes widened and he swiveled around, coming face-to-face with a winded Shiemi.

"Er—uh—Shiemi? What the hell are you doing all the way out here?"

"Ah," she panted, resting her hands on her knees. She caught her breath and said, "Y-Yuki-chan said you had gone out a few hours ago. We're worried about you, Rin, you've been really quiet recently!" She stood straight, her pretty eyes drowned with concern. "Are you okay, Rin?"

Rin turned away from her. "…Have you ever lost something really dear to you, but no one remembers it?"

"Ah, um, I once lost my favorite doll!" Shiemi flustered, bowing her head when he glanced at her. "It was my most favorite doll and I didn't like taking her outside because I was afraid I'd lose her. Granny…accidentally gave her away because she thought I no longer played with her. She had bought her for me when I was very young…she didn't remember the doll was one of my favorites." Shiemi looked up at him, blue eyes hopeful. "Is it like that?"

Rin smiled sadly, tucking his hands in his pockets. "No…it's worse."

Shiemi's face drew with remorse and she hunched over, watching Rin gaze ahead with watery eyes. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him gently, startling the half-demon. She squeezed, burying her face into his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Rin."

Rin touched her arm softly, afraid she would disappear if he did anything else.

"Thank you, Shi-emi," his voice cracked.

She held him until her fingers were numb from the cold and the tear tracks had become ice on his cheeks.


End file.
